Quit smoking?

I am a smoker and I used to smoke 2 packs a day. So that makes it more or less

40 sticks per day
280 sticks per week
1,120 sticks per month
13,440 sticks per year.

I am only 25 now but I can say I have really unhealthy lungs as I have started seriously smoking a very long time ago. Most of my immediate family members are absolute smokers (that practically sums to my mum, my dad, my big brother, and my sister-in-law and that leaves out my 14-year old little brother and my almost 3-year old nephew). It's kinda cool to think that my family is quite open on smoking issues (as well as on other ishs) as we are basically a family of smokers (and drinkers... and late sleepers). We even share our cigarettes or have a family in-house party for no occassion at all.

Just recently (really recent... like a couple of minutes ago) my cousin, J, shared that his dad is battling level 4 non-small cell lung cancer which has already spread to the esophagus and the liver as well. Woah, i'm at work but i really couldn't concentrate now. It broke my heart. :(

My uncle, Tito Plimen, as we call him was an active smoker. He has been butting more than 2 packs per day. Ever since I could remember he is absolutely a manic smoker. Last time when they picked me up in Thailand and i toured them for a few day vacation as well, I watched him finish a lotta smoke all through out the trip. Mind you people, these are blue seal brands which means stronger butts! Totally kicks you in right in the spots. And then a couple of months after, I found out that he got sick and ergo given up smoking at all as he has to.

So now, come to think of it. What did smoking ever did to me?

Cigarette has been my constant and loyal friend. It has been my so-called companion during lonely, boring, rough, fun, nostalgic, euphoric, celebratic, eccentric, tough times of my life. When I was living alone and feeling homesick, it has been my constant friend along with alcohol. I have as well introduced it to my other friends and more so made so much friends because of it. So basically it helped me maintain my sanity.

But lately, cigarette has not been my object of affection. Prior to knowing my uncle's sickness, i was practically trying to keep my puffs to a minimum of just a couple of sticks per day. Surprised? I bet you are. Why? Just because...

I don't really know. Maybe, for one, I am playing badminton again. It has been a regular Saturday morning routine for me and my family lately. No matter how late I go home friday (practically saturday wee hour) I have somehow developed a rhythm to wake up early on Saturdays, get dressed, rush to my brother's house, get them to suit themselves up, eat brunch at Alexa's deli courtesy of our generous tita, play an hour or so at The Zone again courtesy of our generous tita, grab something nice to eat and chat all afternoon.... but my Saturday nights activities vary.

Another reason might be since I am back here at my mum's home I feel puffing smokes here would feel like being in a gas chamber. Mum's house is quite small... hardly have windows and i kinda feel off when i smoke near my kid brother. Don't want him to think that smoking is cool and smoking is quite normal. It's incohesive and it's absolutely wonky, i know, but I don't want him to start the same age as I did... or rather i don't even want him to start at all.

Another reason might be that I hardly have time doing things apart from work. Agency life has been totally demanding I didn't even have much time to finish my writing... moreso, produce well thought-of materials. I know my writing has gone bonkers... I am not performing very well and everything has been consistently half-baked ideas. Thank God, Jeeda and Por has been quite patient to me.

Lastly, since I have been loaded with these stuff that i mentioned, ergo, I hardly have time for myself at all. I rarely partied anymore, haven't gone out with my other friends, haven't had the time to return calls or to sit down for a good cup of coffee, haven't met new ones, haven't... haven't... haven't... lately. Bleh, I am practically whinning here!

Going back to my thoughts now, I am basically considering on quiting BUT NOT ABRUPTLY! I used to think that I would be smoking 'til they take away my lungs but guess I have changed mindset lately. So lets see what happens.